I'M MOVING!

this blog has officially moved! come on over to the new and improved blog!

(please update all your bookmarks, records, and hand-scribbled notes. thank you.)



ok, you're still here reading. stop it. go over to kaleobill.com now.

The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism

Found this over on the group blog at Tim's site (still working on the followup to my first entry there), and couldn't help but share it here. Here's Tim's warning: "This is sure to offend. But please, before you begin to read it, realize that it is satire. If it was entirely true, it would not be funny. And with that disclaimer, I bring to you The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism. While not a necessary prerequisite, some familiarity with the Westminster Shorter Catechism will surely make this even funnier." Here are a few of my favorite Questions and Answers:

Q: What is the assurance of thy salvation?
A: The assurance of thy salvation is, that I know the date on which I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, and have duly written this date on an official Decision card.

Q: You ask me how I know he lives?
A: He lives within my heart.

Q: And what else hast thou got in thine heart?
A: I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.

Q: Where??
A: Down in my heart!

Q: Where???
A: Down in my heart!!

Q: What doth this tract principally teach?
A: The Four Spiritual Laws principally teach, that God's entire plan for history and the universe centereth on me, and that I am powerful enough to thwart His divine purpose if I refuse to let Him pursue His Wonderful Plan for my life.

Q: Who is your boss?
A: My boss is a Jewish carpenter.

Q: Hath God predestined vessels of wrath to Hell?
A: God hath never performed such an omnipotent act, for any such thing would not reflect His primary attribute, which is Niceness.

Q: What is sanctification?
A: Sanctification is the work of my free Will, whereby I am renewed by having my Daily Quiet Time.

Q: Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, hallelujah!
A: Praise ye the Lord!

Q: Praise ye the Lord!
A: Hallelujah!

Q. How is a person saved?
A. If you walk this aisle…”

You get the idea... some pretty funny stuff. You can read the whole thing right over here...

home sick on the couch, and here's what i'm thinking...

We do not train to be merciful here.
Mercy is for the weak.
A man confronts you in the street he is your enemy.
An enemy deserves no mercy.
*****
"Sweep the leg."
[Johnny stares at him in shock]
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"No, Sensei."
"No mercy."

sick.

i have a cold, and my head feels like its full of junk.

i hate feeling like this - makes it so hard to concentrate on anything. more update tomorrow...

new post, but not here!

hey everyone. tim over at challies.com recently asked me to contribute to his community blog. what an honor - tim is a great guy and this is my first "guest blog".

please take a few minutes and read it - i really put some hard stuff out there (for me at least...). also, make sure to comment. if you don't want to register to comment over there, then come back and comment on this post. it's up to you!

HERE'S THE LINK - go there now.

real update soon, but for now...

...you MUST check this out. this is seriously the funniest thing i've seen in a long time. even if you have dialup, the wait to download is worth it.

CLICK HERE to check it out!

God's lesser glory, ch. 1

I thought it would be fun to blog a little about what I'm currently reading... and as of now, that is God's Lesser Glory: The Diminished God of Open Theism by Bruce Ware. Open Theism is a theological viewpoint that in essence claims that God does not know the future because we create reality by the decisions we make. Ware offers a pretty concise definition on p. 18:

Many readers may be surprised to learn that this very view (namely, that God does not know much of the future and has to learn what happens as that future unfolds) is being advocated by a growing number of biblical scholars, theologians, and philosophers who identify themselves as evangelicals, some of whom teach at highly respected evangelical colleges and seminaries. These scholars call the position they advocate "open theism" because they like to make central the notion that, for God as well as for us, much of the future is "open" and hence not foreknown or foreordained.

The book is structured to first examine the strongest arguments and biblical support used by Open Theists to put forth their position. Next, Ware examines the biblical support and offers an exegetical critique of the increasingly popular viewpoint. Finally, he examines some of the practical implications that naturally flow from holding an open theistic viewpoint. So far, the book is great - I'm looking forward to talking more about it here. (Anyone else read it?)

In the first chapter, Ware offers something of an introduction and asks the question, "Why should you be concerned?" He then outlines why this is such a huge issue, and how it changes most everything else you believe when you press the theology to its natural conclusions. Personally, I'm having to work to keep an open mind as I read the book. I've read a good deal about Open Theism, including much by its proponents, and I have a hard time viewing it as anything but heresy. It calls into question the very God we worship, along with the deity of Jesus Christ. In my book, those are hills to die on - not debatable intricacies on the outskirts of theology. I'll close this post with one more quote from Ware -a good one. More soon...

While claiming to offer meaningfulness to Christian living, open theism strips the believer of the one thing needed most for a meaningful and vibrant life of faith: absolute confidence in God's character, wisdom, word, promise, and the sure fulfillment of his will. The strengtehning and reassuring truth of Romans 8:28 ("God causes all things to work together for good...") is tragically ripped out of our Christian confession as it becomes an expression merely of God's resolve to try his hardest and do the best he can.

win some great stuff!

tim challies is giving away some really great material - just click below for a chance to win!

an update - finally.

first, let me apologize for being away from the blog for a ridiculously long period of time. i spoke every day last week, and was away from my computer most of the time. i generally just checked email and tried to keep my head above water last week. here's some of the fun...

monday through wednesday i was speaking at wessendorf middle school. it was pretty fun, but a lot of speaking. we did a parent program on monday night, and then 12 programs for 6th graders over the next two days. this was a pretty nice school in rosenberg, a little suburb of sugar land. (that's right, a suberb of a suberb). the groups were SMALL (50 or less), and the kids were really well behaved. fun stuff.

fast forward to thursday and friday - olle middle school. over in alief. rough part of town. now, at this school, they were again supposed to be small assemblies. but instead, they decided to do 200+ students all in the gym. nothing like standing in the middle of the gym, half the lights out so the projector will show up, and a set of bleachers packed out with 7-8 graders. it was interesting. the nice thing about a larger, rowdier group is that it's fun to get reactions from them. there are certain parts of the program i was doing that are pretty funny - but with a group like that i could say "camels store water in their body" and they would explode laughing. it's even more fun when you set them up perfectly and then hit them with your punchline. great stuff.

what is not great is this - schools being unprepared. i was supposed to start at 8.30 for my first program of the day. i show up at 8 - half an hour early. my contact person shows up at about 8.25, tells me to hang out for a few minutes, and then walks away. they start setting up the equipment around 8.45 - including a screen that was still sealed in the box and no one knew how to put together. finally, they were ready about 9.10 - which means i had to cut the first program quite a bit short. oh well. it was a lot of fun.

needless to say, i was pretty tired by the time friday night rolled around. i had spoken 20 times over the last four days, and my voice was feeling the effects of that. we went out to dinner with my family at olive garden to celebrate christy's birthday - yay for yummy breadsticks. then, saturday i went with eric to play basketball at this open gym. i LOVE basketball. it's the best - but i haven't played for a LONG time. i am so out of shape. after playing for a few hours, i was sucking wind, my lungs were burning, i felt like i was going to puke, and my face was bright red. what a fun feeling. and then, sunday my body felt like mush. but that's a good feeling - it only gets better from here. saturday morning basketball = new weekly routine. should be fun over the next few weeks.

sunday was a blast - great time of worship, got to talk with some people at kaleo about stuff going on with them... it's always nice to sit down, open the bible, and talk about things that people are working through. took my weekly sunday afternoon nap, and then went to the grayshons to watch the superbowl. not a huge football fan, but i like the comercials. and eating other people's food! then found my cell phone, realized tiffany had called and invited shannon and i over to watch a movie... crap. feel bad about not getting the message until too late. tiffany - we're going to come watch a movie soon - just pick a day!

this week is another busy one, but that's the norm these days. i'll try to keep up on my blogging and not be a slacker. i'll also try to be a little more theological in nature and thought provoking - rather than the teenage girl diary type post i just made above. leave a comment and let me know you're out there!

crazy week coming to an end...

this week has been insane - watch for a post tomorrow about everything that's gone on. it's been a good week, but NO TIME to do much of anything but speak, study, and sleep. sorry for the lack of blogging. in the meantime...

tim over at challies has a great post about joel osteen - those of you who know me and/or kaleo know that he is one of my favorite people to talk about. ;) check out the post over at challies.com!

sorry...

sorry the blog has been quiet... i've been speaking every day this week. (did twelve programs for 6th graders over the past two days.) just been swamped and haven't had time to blog. i'll try to do more later tonight or tomorrow.

nexus update - nexus was amazing. more on that coming too.