The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism

Found this over on the group blog at Tim's site (still working on the followup to my first entry there), and couldn't help but share it here. Here's Tim's warning: "This is sure to offend. But please, before you begin to read it, realize that it is satire. If it was entirely true, it would not be funny. And with that disclaimer, I bring to you The Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism. While not a necessary prerequisite, some familiarity with the Westminster Shorter Catechism will surely make this even funnier." Here are a few of my favorite Questions and Answers:

Q: What is the assurance of thy salvation?
A: The assurance of thy salvation is, that I know the date on which I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, and have duly written this date on an official Decision card.

Q: You ask me how I know he lives?
A: He lives within my heart.

Q: And what else hast thou got in thine heart?
A: I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.

Q: Where??
A: Down in my heart!

Q: Where???
A: Down in my heart!!

Q: What doth this tract principally teach?
A: The Four Spiritual Laws principally teach, that God's entire plan for history and the universe centereth on me, and that I am powerful enough to thwart His divine purpose if I refuse to let Him pursue His Wonderful Plan for my life.

Q: Who is your boss?
A: My boss is a Jewish carpenter.

Q: Hath God predestined vessels of wrath to Hell?
A: God hath never performed such an omnipotent act, for any such thing would not reflect His primary attribute, which is Niceness.

Q: What is sanctification?
A: Sanctification is the work of my free Will, whereby I am renewed by having my Daily Quiet Time.

Q: Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, hallelujah!
A: Praise ye the Lord!

Q: Praise ye the Lord!
A: Hallelujah!

Q. How is a person saved?
A. If you walk this aisle…”

You get the idea... some pretty funny stuff. You can read the whole thing right over here...